Realisms

Today i leave this place of “misery”.  I refuse to stay here……I refuse to write here any longer.  Im closing this chapter……or better still this book.  I will NOT look back at these morbid and tainted pages.  “Out of sight…..Out of mind”!!!  I leave with the “prologue” to the next chronicle of my life:

                                                                                                                                                           -DANCE-

                                                                                                                                                 like no one is watching

                                                                                                                                                             -SING-

                                                                                                                                                 like no one is listening

                                                                                                                                                            -LOVE-

                                                                                                                                      like you’ve never been hurt before

                                                                                                                                                            -LIVE-

                                                                                                                                         like heaven begins tomorrow….

                                                                                unfortunately this is a bunch of bullshit…..and i will just enter ANOTHER place of misery  Teresa Elizabeth

Today was Rose’s 102 Birthday!!

She is one of the most amazing people i’ve ever met

Ross brought pictures of her from the 20’s, 30’s, 40’s ect.

Looking at the photos was more interesting  than reading a history book.

It melted my heart to see her sooo happy…….i’d been asking her all week what she wanted for her birthday.  She adamantly told me “to die” the last time i asked.  Her response felt like a knife through my heart.  As much as i understand why she wants to go……i have my own selfish reasons for wanting her to “live”.  She told me she no longer serves a purpose here…..that she wishes to go.  I tearfully told her how meeting her, and taking care of her…..had helped me cope……had motivated me to push forward………had willed me to live.  I can’t help but think that God placed her in my life at a time when i had lost hope.

Soooo….when i arrived i busted out “You made it!”  She laughed and said “Yes….i did…..until the next time!”

I hope there is a “next time” ………..right now i really need Ms. Rose Foster in my life!

Another holiday ruined for my kids.  I  just don’t understand………….why can’t he think of them before he takes a drink?  Justine was so crushed tonight….(he didn’t follow through again on what he said he was going to do) and she always get the short end of the stick.I try so hard to make up the difference…………but me alone is no longer enough……i just can’t seem to keep everyone happy.  And i’m so tired….four hours of sleep everynight is starting to catch up with me.  But i’m not giving up…….not my job……not school…..and certainly not my kids.